SOME RANDOM PICTURES!!!

Yolanda on the left, me in the middle, Erika on the right: Cha's restaurant a great little dinner  inspired by Dinners during the 60's in Hong Kong ... epic!

Erry day I'm Husselin! Ballin out with my rent money! 

The Bike: Bought it at Fudan and rode it all the way to my home in Jing'an ... which is really really far away!

Good to know I  have a fire department near my place!

ME AND ERIKA!!

Shangahi Pearl Tower on the Bund 

m50 Art District 

China Desease

       So, you have finally decided to rear your ugly head. I was wondering when we would finally meet? And I see you didn’t take your time in making the first move. Well, I have news for you… I came with back up!

     If you haven’t already heard I have what we foreigners call “China disease”; that unexplainable almost untreatable illness you cant quite put your finger on, which  you’ve been fighting off since, well since you arrived.  It attacks every one a little different and could be masked behind what seems like the beginnings of a cold or flue that never fully develops or goes away.  Its’ not something you can really hide from either as most foreigners who’ve been here about as long as I have (and longer) can attest to. I guess you can say its sort of a write of passage… once you get China Disease you’re basically in the EXPAT club (YAY me!).

    Any ways, so my symptoms are quite obvious, I basically can’t talk… at all! I believe its full blown laryngitis but the doctors have their own hypothesis; basically that I’m sick because I don’t wear pants (I went to the doctors wearing short’s... sue me! It was a warm 24 degrees out that day).

 

   So I went to the Chinese doctor because the western doctors cost about 500 rmb just to be seen vs. the 80 rmb at the community health center around the corner from me (for all you North Americans that’s 75 bones vs. 12 … not cheap to see a doctor here. YAY for free Canadian health care!!) Also I kinda wanted to try out some cool Chinese meds that every one raves about.

So the doctor took my temperature… normal.

She felt up my glands…normal.

She checked out my chest… not so normal but I went with it. (just kidding on that one, lungs and everything.. normal) 

Finally she checked my blood… normal

So what on earth was making me so damn tired and unable to form any type of sound? “CHINA DESIES”, or to her the fact that I wasn’t wearing pants. Either way she wrote me a note stating I needed to take 4 days of intensive rest, not to talk at all, and to follow these instructions:

  Don’t eat:

Pork

Fried Food

Sea Food

Spicy Food

Oily Food

Dairy

Coffee

Alcohol

…. That basically leaves me with vegetables and oatmeal yumm.

            I was however successfully given a handful of really disgusting Chinese meds that make me want to hurl every time I ingest them, ergo they must be working! 

ATTACK OF THE SLOBBERY GLOBERY KIDLET

Door to the underworld

    Beware of  The Slobbery Globbery Kidlet  as they are every where! They usually travel in packs of 4-20 . Do not be fooled by their sweet, helpless exterior as it is merely ruse used to stalk unsuspecting pray.  They are ruthless creatures and if found within their clutches one will surely parish!

       Thankfully I have come up with the SGK survival guide !A mini manual that will help you survive if you find yourself amongst a pack of SGK’s.

1)    INTIMIDATION: 

      SGK’s though fierce are easily intimidated by our extreme height difference. The SGK is small in stature and even when out numbered the use of intimidation will prevail… at leat for a short time.  The key is to stare them down and commit! You cannot back away even when they bust out their most dangerous weapon; a salty secretion from the eyes that reduces them to a blubbering heap on the floor causing you to let down your defenses showing sympathy . THIS makes you extremely vulnerable to their sneaky ways.

2)     ISOLATION FROM THE PACK: 

       SGK’s feed off of each others energy. They are really only dangerous in groups, so if you isolate one you can easily manipulate them into doing your bidding. IF!  you are really smart and have the means, isolate the smartest SGK in front of the pack. The others will act like lemmings and follow mindlessly!

3)    SHINEY BRIGHT OBJECTS:

      These are like gold to the SGK !! They’re like crows in the sense that they are fascinated by shiny cool objects. I like to use sticky balls that glow different colours, stickers or  rainbow ANYTHING! These items will distract the SGK allowing you to either escape while you can or even better… control their tiny minds! Be wary though, SGK’s have extremely short attention spans so this will only buy you a short amount of time. 

4)    HAND SANITIZER:  

       always… I repeat ALWAYS! Carry hand sanitizer around with you! It is your greatest defense against the bacteria that surrounds the SGK. SGK packs are  breeding grounds for dangerous diseases that can hurt you. Its like touching a turtle; they look really cute so you pick one up and … BAM SALMANELA!   so watch out and carry a little bottle where ever you go. It may also be useful to quarantine yourself for a a day or two after coming in contact with an SGK.. you know so you don’t create an epidemic or something. 

5)    Never Run:  

       SGK’s are attracted to running so if you think “oh shit an SGK I’m gonna book it instead of following sara’s manual” then they will chace you, eventually you will get tired and they will win! (SGK’s have an abundance of energy storage so what they lack in muscle they make up for in stamina… basically they will always catch you.) 

6)    CANDY/ TREATS:   

      SGK’s have a weakness for sugar so if you throw candy at them they will dive and fight over it amongst each other buying you more time for your escape. 

7)    Try to avoid physical contact especially the ‘HUG’:   

This one up front is going in for the kill!

      SGK’s have a signature weapon against us. Its called the HUG and this is how they really get you. To someone totally unaware of the SGK The HUG seems like a really cute sign of affection. In reality they are trying to squeeze your soul out so they can eat it and stay young and small forever! What happens is one will come up and hug your knees then the others will follow until you are in a death grip so tight you can barlely breath. They will hold on so tight and wait until more and more join in creating a massive group hug that’s force will inevitably pull you to the ground where they will proceed to attempt to suck your soul through tiny little kisses… its really quite an awful experience! 

They look cute, but its all a LIE! 

death chamber

       
8) THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE! 
SGK’s love surprises and are easily confused and awed by random loud noises or faces. If you suspect a potential HUG coming on quickly avert their attention to  a ridiculous face or elephant impersonation … my personal favorite is the zombie ( I flip my eyelids around and put a zombie face on) not only is it terrifying but it confuses the shit out of them! Another good one is to make them laugh, when they laugh they are happy, when they’re happy they’re not thinking about sucking your soul.

Well there you have it, the ultimate survival guide to dealing with SGK’s. They are a strange breed but if you follow this guide your chances of getting out alive or at least in once piece are pretty good. Sometimes I think that deep within their tiny globbery frame there lies some ounce of goodness and maybe they are just misunderstood creatures… that is until you meet one by the name of Robot and then you realize there’s no hope!

      
    

I haven't quite figured out what the V stands for .... but I'm working on it

BOOT CAMP!

I’ve spoken about this week with many referring to it as “ Teacher Boot Camp”. Essentially what the week consisted of was a run down on company policies, payments and of course how to run and manage a class. It was a week that I was particularly looking forward to but at the same time extremely nervous for.

 As I made my way to the JH office I couldn’t shake the memory of  my 13 year old self venturing off to camp for the first time.  I was about to meet the 24 new SHANE teachers and of course those pre-adolescent thoughts of “what if no body likes me!?” started to creep in.  Well, I arrived at the office and every thing was fine. The teachers were all very friendly as most were in the same position as me. Once every one arrived we were split up into 2 mini busses and began our journey north of the city to the Island of Chongming.

I guess things were going a little too smoothly and because TIC (this is China), chaos just HAD to make an appearance. After making a wrong turn off the highway and driving for about 20 min we managed to get back on track. But wait, the Gods couldn’t have just left it at getting a bit lost..noooo no, they just had to make things more interesting…

 So get this, we are driving in the far right lane when our tier blows up causing and almost immediate collision with the car directly behind us. Luckily our driver had some sort of road 6hth sense and she swerves to the left lane where we nearly smash into the car in front of  us! Being the NAS car driver she is she swerves once again landing us on the far left shoulder, white as ghosts, slightly confused and almost ready to blow chunks.

Now not only were we an hour late we were now stranded on the side of the road watching out driver change the tier while 3 police cars drive by with out a glance in our direction. Actually I think I saw one police officer in a Hawaiian shirt while talking on their cell phone, I just hope they weren’t on duty.

We arrived at the hotel where we spent the first two days going over logistics, aka all the really boring but mega important business type stuff… you can bet your ass I paid as much attention as I could, you know, in between doodles and snoozes. On the third night we moved to a hotel in the centre of the island. There we came across a peoples square where every one was waltzing. Now, I can’t dance very well but obviously that wasn’t about to stop me from joining in on the fun! Will (another teacher) and I tore up the dance floor and generated a bit of a buzz amongst the crowed. I can only imagine what was going through some people’s head’s as they witnessed the clumsy and foolish banter of our feet twirling about in the most awesomest of ways; perhaps it may have been something like this: “Hey look at the goofy white couple trying to dance! Let’s crowd around and laugh at their lunacy!”

After our little dancecapades we went back to the hotel for a night cap and some good old KTV (that’s Chinese for karaoke.! [its actually not but that’s what they call karaoke here]) .  Nothing like a beer and a little Thriller to send you off to slumber ville!

The next few days went a little something like this:

• Wake up at 8 for breakfast
• Learn games and teaching tools
• Eat Lunch
• Practice making lesson plans and controlling classes
• Eat Dinner
• Practice lesson plans on fellow teachers
• Get Drunk stay out till 1
• Wake up and do it again

This is how responsible teachers learn how to run a class room:

    For one of the drinking nights we actually used the children’s games to get us smashed. Drink of choice for these educational moments: Bijio * Just a little side note about Baijiou; it tastes like durian mixed with dirty diaper, feet and vodka, oh and you keep getting tastes of it all night because it really hates to stay down (if you know what I mean … ) yumm!

Actually if you think about it, most of the drinking games you play in Uni can be swaped over to be played as educational learning games with children… obviously minus the alcohol.

So friends, in a nut shell this is how I learned to be a teacher. I have now been working for the past week, loving every minute of it and I have to say that the training has really helped me! I even use some of the drinking games as real class games and the kids love them… little do they know how much they will still love them once they reach adulthood! :p

Apartments, Medical Exams and Typhoon's ... OH MY!

     So much happens every minute of every day here in Shanghai that it is proving very difficult to keep up with a blog. I found this challenging last year but even  more so now! I mean, I've only been here 2 weeks and already so much has happened that I simply cannot keep up. I have sectioned off this post into three categories.The first is my encounter  with the oh so dreaded Muifa; the second, my search for my first apartment and third, the full body Medical Examination every working alien needs to go through when applying for a working visa in China.

MUIFA!!!!

  All you folks that watch the weather net work or endless amounts of news may have subtly stumbled upon news of her. She was the massive typhoon that was suggested by Chinese officials to be the country's strongest typhoon of the year and the warning actually caused quite a stir here in Shanghai. Her impending arrival even drove some of the Shanghai bars to close early... and that's hard to do! 
  
  So with all this hype Erika and I naturally got a little excited as neither of us had ever experienced a Typhoon or hurricane before. We were eager to be huddled up all cozy and bunkered down in our hostel with fellow travelling expats to lean on for support if things got too rough. Unfortunately, like most things here in China, it was all a big LIE! ... Well, maybe that's a little harsh, but people here do tend to over exaggerate about everything! Its called keeping face. Any way, I was mostly disappointed because we had scheduled our move in date to our brand new apartment around this pitiful drizzle of a storm!

    Really I should consider myself lucky, the storm dissipated just as it was about to hit the mainland, luckily no on was hurt here in shanghai and I get to see another day. But, so were clear... it would have been pretty sick to say that my first week back in Shanghai I got to sit through it's biggest Typhoon. Maybe next time..  




APARTMENT HUNTING: 


Well,
  Erika and I are quite efficient apartment hunters if I do say so myself! It really didn't take us long to find our dream home here in the city. Luck was on our side too as we ended up hooking up with a great agency (Plugging Big Panda Agency  right now! If any one is looking to move here go with them they are by far the most helpful and honest!). The first apartment we looked at, though way out of our budget, allowed us to meet up with this great agent by the name of Ben. Honestly without him I don't know how we would have gotten through. He went above and beyond to help us out with everything, but also without holding our hand every step of the way. The dude just got it!  He knew we were newly graduated Western girls looking for a reasonably priced but chic apartment, and understood that this was something we needed and also wanted to figure out on our own. By subtly guiding us through the process we knew we had someone who we could trust and wouldn't steer us wrong if we got into trouble. He was even so helpful as to give up some of his commission fee for the apartment so we could get a better deal. Overall very great guy! 


  The signing process itself though... HOLY! What an ordeal! 
We literally sat down (Erika, Ben, Mr. and Mrs. Guoa (our landlords), and I ) for 3 hours negotiating god knows what because most of it was all done by Ben and the Guoa's... and obviously in Mandarin. Erika and I pretty much just sat there smiling and looking pretty.  We later figured out that most of that negotiation was them talking about whether or not they could put padded mattresses for our wimpy backs on the beds... the answer was finally a no ...my poor, poor back :( 


 After what seemed like an eternity in my jet lagged mind, we finally  managed to get around to the actual signing of the lease and payments. 


  * Note: If any one is going to move to Shanghai please note that the payments for renting an apartment are very different then back home. Normally we pay first and lasts months rent and the land lord says : "Ok Done!" and every one goes home happy. That is not the case here. We had to pay a deposit of one months rent right then and there, plus 2 months rent and a managerial fee (actually I  just paid the 2 months today ... so I'm broke!). Basically you have to pay  a lot of money up front and then on a bi-montly basis. If I didn't know how to budget my money before, I definitely will by the end of this whole experience! 

Our living room!! You can see the door of my room as well on the right! 

In the end we are extremely happy with our find. The apartment is located  in a great area (Jing'an) with tones of food places, subway and basically everything we will ever need. It is beautiful and a major steel ... Wo ai!   (I love) 




MEDICAL EXAMINATION!


    Well, this is something every alien must go through to acquire a working visa in China. The full body medical exam! A completely ridiculous, unnecessary waist of time and money but Hey! It's China so why the heck not! 


   First thing's first, it took me longer to actually get to the hospital then to complete the actual medical check it self.  So, I arrived at the hospital and was immediately issued a number and sent to a room to change into my robe and little booties. After which I was shuffled off from room to room, with orders being barked at me, pointing, poking, prodding, "ahh-ing", deep breathing, needle pricking and then BAM! Just as fast as I got there it was all over. 
   Somehow within the half hour I was given a surgery check, EKG,ultrasound, blood sampling, radiology exam and full body x-ray. What they possibly could have tested for is beyond me! However, it was a very interesting and hilarious experience!  One I most certainly will not be forgetting!  
  When I got my results delivered to me 3 days later the booklet  said that everything was normal, except for my heart...
The EKG indicated that my heart was ... wait for it.....
   "Basically Normal"
Goodness Gracious China!!! 

What a welcome!

Nihao Shanghai!

mmm smog central! 

   It's been far too long and yet it only feels as though   yesterday I was wondering your skinny side streets, dodging motorcyclists and rogue taxi’s and casually brushing off the intense stairs downs on the subway.  It was my first full day back in the city and boy was it eventful!

  Let me start off this account by letting you all know that the jet lag hit me hard the previous night forcing me to pop a gravol around 3 am giving me about 3 hours of blissful rest before I had to force my self out of my splendid slumber only to trek it out to work for 9 am. Despite the early wake up call the morning went rather smoothly, and although the head office is a tad far from where I was staying I managed to make it down to the subway station closest to the office with no difficulty and plenty of time to spare. 

   Feeling pretty good about my first Shanghai conquest in 7 months I decided to take a taxi to the area that I thought the office was in. This left me with plenty of time to walk around, kill some time and take in some of the surroundings before I actually had to go in. BIG MISTAKE!!! After walking for an hour looking for the building I realized I had taken the taxi to the wrong intersection. I then decided to flag a cab and after numerous communication errors we were finally back on track. Somehow I still managed to arrive at the office  early. After all the business was taken care of we were taken to set up a Chinese bank account. Now, the bank is literally a 5 min walk from the office, but of course a this very simple task would be far to easy and boring for Shanghai so why not stir things up a bit!  Just as we were crossing the main intersection a random angry black cloud decided that it was a great time to dump its entire life onto us. Picture gale force winds blowing the enormous amounts of rain in every direction, pitch-black skies, raindrops the size of your hands, blinding lighting and thunder so loud it would make grown man burst into tears! …

    Ok so I’m exaggerating a little bit but the storm was pretty big! We managed to take refuge under a bus shelter, which in hindsight may not have been the smartest idea as the shelter was made of pure mental and stood directly under two large trees.  Drenched, cold, hungry and tired I stood there with fellow teacher Tony and a women who spoke zero English and waited for a half an hour until the rain subsided enough to let us sprint over to the bank. 

About an hour later our bank accounts were set up and we were able to finally make the journey back to our homes (hostel in my case). The trek home went a little something like this: two westerners standing soaking wet in a very very air-conditioned subway being gawked at from every direction; me being pushed profusely while I struggled to make it though the interchanges during Shanghai rush hour; dodging camera phones sneaking very un-stealthy photos (I know I love the spot light, but these people are worse than paparazzi), and of course no day would be complete without being yelled at by an elderly Chinese woman for showing “too much skin”.

Side note: Mom, Dad, I really wasn’t showing too much skin, I was actually dressed pretty professionally. It was only because I’m western that I got yelled at… I mean the girl next to me had short shorts so short I could pretty much see her colita!

Wonderlust

Monday August 1^st- 2^nd

Wonderlust

We all have this itch, one that cannot be scratched. It just gnaws at you subtly resting in the back of your consciousness. It’s the thought of what’s next? Or where do I go from here?

I recently finished my 4 year degree at Queens University and although I just returned from an exchange in Shanghai and a recent trip to Thailand, the itch has just grown stronger. Wonderlust has officially taken over and I now find myself embarking on another adventure. I am heading back to the East … surprise, surprise! The bright lights, large lifestyle, rich history and captivating culture of Shanghai has called me back once again. This time I will be living in the city for about one year and if you know me, you know that I can get up to a lot of trouble in a year. I will be teaching English in the city and living with my good friend Erika (two single girls in a big city… I yah!).

I invite you all to join me in my adventure. Follow along and enjoy because if this year is anything like the last were all in for a bumpy yet amazing ride.